Papa’s condition continues to deteriorate. I believe his life is experienced in 2 minute increments—not remembering what he said or did only minutes earlier. “I’d like something to drink”…and then when the glass is delivers he wonders why. He is unable to track or enjoy television—or anything else in life. He does seem to enjoy the dogs.
His ability to put together a coherent sentence is very rare—when his anxiety levels are up, he will talk endlessly (with or without someone listening)—but the talk is all pointless.
At times he may realize his fate, as he occasionally gets angry—for no apparent reason.
He seems to enjoy rummaging through drawers—looking for…who knows. He is still able to walk, yet falls regularly. He can barely hear, and we debate how well he can see.
He demands constant attention, as he can’t be trusted to turn the water off or leave the gas stove alone. We’re essentially tethered to him, with a 30 foot line. Of course, an unannounced leisurely stroll in the back yard or woods is not uncommon—unattended, it will always result in a fall—the lawn is healthy and the falls are inconsequential. (Actually, our doors are monitored, so we know if he goes outside—which requires that we watch him—it’s really hard to perpetually tell him “no.”
It seems there is no difference between day and night for him—he’s often up several times during the night, doing what he does…wandering and rummaging . That really takes a toll on Mom, who often needs to get up at 3:30am to get ready for work.
His physical, mental, and medical condition may quickly be exceeding our resources and ability to care for him. If he is moved to a care facility, I expect he will continue to live his life in 2-3 minute increments. The change of scenery may be an improvement for him (more social activity with others who have similar conditions). I, however, would only be assuming how his brain might process the change.
I do know that mom has been approaching sainthood with her care. She has sacrificed so much and is nearly exhausted (physically and emotionally) on a regular basis. Note: as a comparison, the Sabbath day was given to man as we need rest and renewal—mom is unable to enjoy rest or renewal—ever, with Papa in the house. Mom has endured this really, really well—but is reaching the proverbial cliff. I deal with the tethering effect and constant care that is required (it’s not possible to focus on anything if you’re responsible for Papa—you’ve got to keep your eye on him…and respond in a moment’s notice)—but Mom has unquestionably taken the lion’s share of the burden (for many years, as you know). I should say that Leanna and Nate have been very patient and helpful on a regular basis—and that’s really appreciated.
Let me say that although Papa’s condition is very difficult and demanding, it is driven by a physical state (dementia) that he cannot control. I am not critical of him at all. I wish things were different, but I don’t hold any resentment against him for the situation.
Okay. There you have it. A little weightier post then we’ve seen lately! Love you all.
1 comment:
It's hard to see papa this way. Dimensia is something I hope to never experience. It's so sad to see someones mind diminish so quickly. It's hard for him to truly enjoy anything in life- even the simplest things. Living with him has really taught me some great lessons that I otherwise would have never known. I am grateful to have spent this time with him. I am even more grateful to see the selfless acts of love that have been given by both mom and dad. They have both sacrificed so much to care for papa these past few years. I am grateful for the little moments of hapiness papa still has (like when he smiles at adelie and says 'hello there!!' and tells me how cute HE is....). There have also been many funny little moments...like when he tries to answer the telephone by holding the paper towel roll to his ear...
I'm glad to have learned more patience while dealing with him. And I'm glad to have learned to love greater. I hope papa can enjoy these final days of his life- as few or as many as there are.
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